My All
by o0oBishieo0o
Summary: Songfic/Deathfic: Aya is left alone to muse about his past, can he cope any longer? (Gah i suck at summaries) Rated for content discussed in the warnings, Please R+R Minna! *scampers away*


Disclaimer: Onward with the legal rantings!! *takes breath* As with all my other fics, I OWN NOTHING!! sad isnt it? *wails* however i am open to taking any bishounen off the hands of anyone who dosent want them anymore *cackles* The song "My All" belongs to Mariah Carey and the characters in this fic belong to whoever owns "Weiss Kruez" ITS IS NOT ME!!..and i am making no money out of this fic!..Infact im broke untill tomorrow and then i get..well..not alot..so im still broke, *whines* Meh..annnyway!  
  
WARNINGS: This strange little ficcie contains light Shounen ai, Implied nookie (Nothing big) and suicide, however none of it is very graphic at all. Still to be on the safe side if you are not mature enough or have any problems with reading this kind of material please don't go on any furthur. I refuse to hold responsibility for any emotionally scarred people or acknowledge any flames, I did warn you all in advance ^___^  
  
Please enjoy and remember to R+R!! tell Bish you love her with your reviews! They keep her..sane..*blinks* if thats possible O_o! Okay i'm talking about myself in 3rd person now..so thats my que to dissappear! *scampers off*  
  
My All  
  
  
  
  
You were choking, You were choking and i was laughing. I guess looking back now it was a strange combination, I'm not sure what it was i found amusing, Perhaps it was the fact a killer, Someone that lived in the darkness had been finished, like somebody had just blown out a candle flame, perhaps it was because i was losing something again, I wasn't sure.  
  
I'm thinking of you,  
In my sleepless solitude tonight.  
  
Sighing i run my fingers through the fine strands of crimson blocking my vision, the tips burying themselves in the color, the same way my katana buries itself into my victim, the ending result is exactly that to my hair, Scarlet. Im used to the stain now, I bathe in it everyday, Its what makes up my exsistance, Its as much a part of me as my name, an illusion, I tell myself one-day i'll wake up and find the world i live in now, was nothing but a dream, But how can i still be sleeping when my eyes are wide open? As much as i wish, Its just not possible. Even in my dreams i can't bring you back, Its always the same scenario. One mistake, I couldn't even say i was sorry, Although i could see your eyes, You'd forgiven me the instant it had happened, You always were the most trustworthy of us. "Us" its not even that anymore Its just me and "them".  
  
If its wrong to love you,  
Then my heart just wont let me be right,  
'Cause I've drowned in you.  
Without you by my side.  
  
  
I'd never paid attention before, i always refused to meet my victims eyes, Its funny how the orbs mist over as life leaves its form, Your's never did, They watched me untill the last moment. I *did* try...I begged, cried, I thought if i screamed loud enough it would put breath back into your world, but your not here now, So obviously it didn't work. But i know your still watching me, somewhere, In your own seperate world to mine, smiling as your eyes the color of darkened chocolate watch me, as they always did. The smile you gave me was different to the others, It was mine, The only thing you thought you could give me that wasn't tainted. You never were tainted, You just lost your way, even angels do that sometimes. You could cry it, made up for everything.  
  
I'd give my all, To have  
Just one more night with you,  
I'd risk my life, To feel,  
Your body next to mine,  
'Cause I can't let go on   
Living in the memory of our song  
I'd give my all, For your love tonight.  
  
I lay against the darkened pillows, scanning the swirling patterns of the ceiling before me. You used to say they looked like waves dancing, Our first night, You were so nervous, we both were, I guess we really are human after-all. Its so empty, I never realised how close we actually were, a few heated moments in the dark, a few secret smiles in the sunlight, But to me now it means so much more. We didn't know how to act, all we knew was the kill, perhaps never true kindness, but we did our best.   
  
Baby can you feel me,  
Imagining im looking in your eyes,  
I can see you clearly,   
Vividly emblazoned in my mind.  
  
I chuckled quietly into the room, my voice almost echoing off the walls. Im sure people would think i was insane if they heard me talking to the shadows, I know you can hear me, Thats why i continue to do it, even now, months after that night. I still scold myself, There had to be something i could of done, I would of gone to hell and back if it meant you were laying here beside me, filling the nothingness that i face with every coming light.  
  
And yet you're so far,  
Like a distant star,  
I'm wishing on tonight.  
  
Pushing back the covers i slide out of bed and walk toward the open window in the corner of the room, The glass shimmering with the glittering moonlight, as if the pane was made of diamonds. I could feel the small smile i once gave you tugging at the corners of my mouth, as i lowered my gaze toward the long drop down to the ground, coming to rest on the hard dark conceret as my vision had finally finished its destination. Hoisting myself up onto the frame i contine to watch the drop now before me, my bangs flying away from my face as the cold air hits my flesh and sends tingles down my spine, I allow the smile to widen as i think of your fingertips mimicking the wind, trailing down my skin, beckoning to me with the whispers through the surrounding trees. I know im being a coward, I've taken so many souls only to run down the easy path to vanish. Spreading out my arms i close my eyes, knowing that i have no wings, i was denied them the day i took human life. I've been forbidden to soar, but i welcome the drop. Its the end to everything and the beginning to you. No matter how far i have to travel, i know this way we will meet again, wether it be in new innocence or the tainted love we used to share. Either way we'll be together.  
  
I'd give my all to have,  
Just one more night with you,  
I'd risk my life to feel,  
Your body next to mine'cause I can't let go on,  
Living in the memory of your song,  
I'd give my all for your love tonight.  
  
I know sorry wont help, I know im going to hurt them, we were a team ...a family, but those born into shadow dissappear with the light. One day they'll understand my need to fade away, everyone adjusts eventually.  
Leaning completly over the edge i allow myself to fall, forgetting all bodily instincts and revel in the glorious feeling of being weightless, for a small moment im flying, I don't even feel the ground as i slam the surface with a sickening sound, but even that was thrown away on deaf ears. I sit silently for a moment, watching the now broken remains on the floor, feeling strangly dettached to the figure now pooled in the liquid the same color as his hair.  
The screaming is what grips me the most, the boy that once worked along side me running out of the house and dropping to his knees, tears falling as a taller form cradles him, as someone would a small child, I think momentarily of my sister and feel the familar pang in my chest, but its to late to change anything now, the deed is done and even memories fade away, they will forget.  
Looking once more at what used to be Aya Fujimiya i walk away, not feeling the cold anymore, not feeling anything but the genuine, innocent smile, now gracing my lips.  
  
I'd give my all to have,  
Just one more night with you,  
I'd risk my life to feel,  
Your body next to mine'cause I can't let go on,  
Living in the memory of your song,  
I'd give my all for your love tonight.  
  
"Im coming Ken..."  
  
Owari.  
  
  
  
AN: well..umm..*blinks* This wasn't actually supposed to turn into a suicide fic, I never had it planned that way X_x! But i went with the flow and thus this strange little ficcie was born! *Cackles* For all those that are reading this and planning to flame me, I'd just like to say that i worship Ranners and Kenken and would never intentionally cause such lovley bishounen harm! I don't know what came over me! *hides from angry readers* Please forgive meee! It'll never happen again! *smirks* okay i lie..it probably will when i need a way of killing off the block *Cackles* which actually has worked! mwhehe!! *dances* ahem annnnyway! enough of my ranting! I hope everyone enjoyed it!!   
  
Comon...Review..ya know ya want to! ^_^ *scampers away with her Youji plushie*  
  
Bish. 


End file.
